I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize