Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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