Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
