i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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