In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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