He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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