she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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