fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
