he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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