just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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