My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
