garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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