And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
