Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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