Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
BRING THE BAGELS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
