Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
