who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
