Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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