I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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