Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
