Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
