How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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