my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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