dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
