my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
