Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
