So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i love accidental penises.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
