He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
