my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
