you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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