Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
