take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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