Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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