My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
