I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
