I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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