Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize