I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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