those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
