If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's never too late to be topless.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
