Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
