think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
