Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You need Xanax blowdarts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
