I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
