i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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