You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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