We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
