Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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