I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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