She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
