I cannot find my penis.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
