Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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