it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
