ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you traded sex for a burrito?
do herpes really smell.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
