i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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