I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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