Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
