I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
