I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
