i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
