Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
