the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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