I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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