Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
