He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
