i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
