how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
