My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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