remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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