can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
